when i started this blog, it was my plan to regularly update everyone of ate's condition but the happenings from the previous week didn't allow me to do that. and right now in her bedside, while watching her sleep, i can't think of anything else but that i miss her. she's here with me and i am thankful everyday that she still is. but i miss ate. i miss watching horror movies with her, i miss laughing with her, i'm sure that if she were conscious, we'd laugh at my cousin's nonstop talking while watching tv, i just miss her so much. i knew we were close, but i am just realizing now how we have really shared so many things from the simplest to the toughest ones that it really is hard for me that she "physically" can't be here with me now. i miss my ate and i would do everything i can just to have her look at me and say my name again.
sometimes when i look at her really, really closely, she comes back to me. i notice that the way she yawns now is exactly the way she yawns before, except that then, she still wakes up for more than ten minutes. i remember that when we were younger, she used to pull out one hair from me just to wake me up -- imagine, 1 strand of hair while you're asleep. geez. if i could do that to her and she would wake up, i'd do it immediately, even if it means she'd get angry at me.
i am rambling incoherent thoughts right now. i'm just recalling so many stuff about her so that looking at her right now will bring me back to the time when we were still "together". when there were the two of us, it felt like we could conquer anything -- we would have just laughed this one off. we were partners in crime, sometimes even mistakeni as twins. i know i'm only making myself sad with reminiscing, and i promise to stop. just allow me this blog entry to feel needy. it's just that ive been trying to act all adult like through everything that's been going on, but the bottom line is, i'm still her baby sister and having her hold my hand right now would feel like the safest thing in the world.
2 comments:
I miss all of you..Our prayers and support to you all. Whisper her I said "Hi" and Don't up a good fight.
XOXOXOX
Jon
It's alright to feel that way chris. To be needy at times. Because yes it is true, bottom line you are still Caren's baby sister. And you also need comfort. I pray that by staying with her all throughout helped to comfort you. And may her touch at that moment when you were holding her hand eased your own pain too because i am sure if she has little strength left of her at that time, she'll give you your much needed hug and smile...
It's alright chris... Continue writing it all out. We are here to listen... and share your pain... Keep the faith...
ghe
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