Our most special memories

This was the slideshow made for ate by our good friend mike (thanks mike). A collection of her pretty smiles, her love for her family and the wonderful friendships she made over the years. We will be forever thankful for her presence in our lives. She shared with us so much happiness and beauty and she inspired us in so many ways. She will always, always be in our hearts.

We love you.

Saying goodbye...

This was my speech during Ate Caren's necrological service. I haven't watched this since the day it was taken -- only now. As I go back and remember, I think that so much has changed from that day till today, in just, i guess, a span of 2 1/2 months. Hearing my voice here, I realize how much grief, anger and pain I was feeling then. I know my speech says otherwise - I wanted it to sound inspirational and grateful to everyone (which I really am!) - but I feel that more than anything else, I sound hurt here - which unfortunately I really was.

Right now, I still am very thankful to everyone who were with us. But I guess the grief and pain is less as I accept that she may be physically gone and there are so many times in my life that I would miss her but weird as it may sound, I can still feel her presence around me, with the way I don't feel so scared acting as a mother to her 2 kids, with the way I have this new found strength that I know she had when she was alive, and many more other stuff I could attribute to only her.

And lastly, I realize there was no need to be angry. I know that wherever she is right now, she has no regrets with how she lived her life. The only regret would maybe just to have it last a little longer...but since this is what we were given, I think the both of us lived it quite fully :) I have no regrets because I loved her every single day and I will love her till forever. I thought then that I will give all of myself into taking care of her - doesn't matter if she doesn't talk or only wakes up for ten minutes - and I would have done exactly that as long as she was holding on to her life. But maybe she wanted me to do something else for her and I guess I know what...I will take care and love her kids as they are my own and in every way that I can make them feel that ate will always be with them no matter what had happened. I know she wants me to take care of our parents, ate che and kids, ben, von, all our other loved ones and even myself as she would have if she were here. And I'm sure, in turn, as I do this, she will be with me and she will never make me feel like she left...

Ben, on his true love...

In losing a sister, I gained a brother. And I know with ate leaving, she entrusted ben to us and us to ben. Ben will always be part of the family and I have no doubts on how much he loved my sister. I thank God for bringing him and ate together. He made ate happy in so many ways and I will always be thankful for that. On finding each other I know they have each found their true loves. They're lucky that way, and as they always say, loves like these transcend time and continue when they meet again :)

Thinking of it, I realized that it was really me and him who shared so much in those 2 weeks of ate being in critical condition. We have been through so many things during those times that brought us closer to each other just like any other siblings by blood would have shared. There were scary, weird, angry moments that I know only the two of us would understand should we look back on it. I would think ate caren would be happy to know that ben now has a sister, and I have a kuya to protect me.

Being the eldest sister...

This is our Ate Che sharing her thoughts. I realize how hard this may have been for her coming from an entirely different direction from me. She is based in Canada and wasn't able to spend much time with Ate Caren during the last weeks. But of course they loved each other so much. They were planning to see each other on May and it would have been such a wonderful time for the both of them. But right now, I know Ate Che will have Ate Caren's memories back from where they were children (I came 9 years after ate caren, so the) up to their teenage, college and working years -- and like me, I know this will last her a lifetime of remembering Ate Caren.

Funny as it may sound, I have always thought we are like the Charmed ones, 3 sisters and I felt there was something magical in us :) Right now, there's only Ate Che and I - and it's sad to think about not being complete. But together, I know Ate Caren will never be lost to the two of us. We share so much love among us three to ever let that happen.